How Dogs Can Help and
Hurt the Dating Process

Dogs are excellent ice-breakers. People with dogs give you an easy excuse to talk to them. However, dog ownership is a vast, complex, and even contentious world. For instance, some people—myself included—have simply accepted that everything in their lives will be peppered with hair, whereas other dog owners still spend many hours lint-rolling their way to self-respect. So below are a few observations that speak to this discrepancy as it relates to dating.

Dogs can help you create an effective online dating profile:

But dogs don’t always help the date itself:

“Now that I have the shedding under control, I can work on the vomit situation.”

Dogs can help create the impression that you have your shit together:

“Despite the horrid ‘thumbs up’ approach, he appears to be at least kind of responsible, which is sadly my current standard.”

But dog ownership does not always guarantee the togetherness of shit:

“Hey after you get that check, wanna come back to my place? My parents are probably asleep by now.”

Dogs can help you meet other dog people:

But dogs do not always help you meet the right kinds of dog people:

“A breeder?! What in the shitballz is wrong with you?! Don’t you know there are literally thousands of dogs needlessly dying in shelters every single day?! What are you, the mayor of Dumbassville?!”

Dogs can help buffer the first half of movie night:

“Good thing Bess is here to fill any possible awkward silence.”

But dogs can ruin the second part of movie night:

“My secret move of pretending to stretch in order to get my arm around her is currently very much impeded. Also I’m pretty sure Bess is gonna start humping her leg in a minute. That’s going to be challenging.”

The End

Fundraiser with Blue Dog Rescue

It’s Sunday, and I’m sitting in my new place of residence after a grueling couple of weeks getting settled. I picked this particular place of residence because (1) it is close to my place of employment and (2) it is close to my place of bike trail:

bike dog trail


Bess is a great appreciator of trails. One might even say she’s a bit of a snob on the subject.

Speaking of Bess, I originally got her from the wonderful folks at Blue Dog Rescue, which is the beneficiary of this month’s Philanthropomorphize fundraiser. Here’s the deal. Throughout September:

  • All of the tees in my shop are only $15
  • $10 of every shirt sold go to Blue Dog Rescue
  • You can get free shipping by entering promo code BDR
  • Everyone will love you if you buy one and I’ll throw in eternal happiness just because you’re looking so nice today

Pretty cool and/or awesome, right?