When Bess Wants to Hang Out
When I Want to Hang Out
Dogs are excellent ice-breakers. People with dogs give you an easy excuse to talk to them. However, dog ownership is a vast, complex, and even contentious world. For instance, some people—myself included—have simply accepted that everything in their lives will be peppered with hair, whereas other dog owners still spend many hours lint-rolling their way to self-respect. So below are a few observations that speak to this discrepancy as it relates to dating.
“Now that I have the shedding under control, I can work on the vomit situation.”
“Despite the horrid ‘thumbs up’ approach, he appears to be at least kind of responsible, which is sadly my current standard.”
“Hey after you get that check, wanna come back to my place? My parents are probably asleep by now.”
“A breeder?! What in the shitballz is wrong with you?! Don’t you know there are literally thousands of dogs needlessly dying in shelters every single day?! What are you, the mayor of Dumbassville?!”
“Good thing Bess is here to fill any possible awkward silence.”
“My secret move of pretending to stretch in order to get my arm around her is currently very much impeded. Also I’m pretty sure Bess is gonna start humping her leg in a minute. That’s going to be challenging.”
It’s Sunday, and I’m sitting in my new place of residence after a grueling couple of weeks getting settled. I picked this particular place of residence because (1) it is close to my place of employment and (2) it is close to my place of bike trail:
Bess is a great appreciator of trails. One might even say she’s a bit of a snob on the subject.
Speaking of Bess, I originally got her from the wonderful folks at Blue Dog Rescue, which is the beneficiary of this month’s Philanthropomorphize fundraiser. Here’s the deal. Throughout September:
Pretty cool and/or awesome, right?