I really like to write, but I also really like to sit around using the power of attraction to will both six pack abs and regular six packs into my life. The latter usually takes precedence and, as a result, I’m sitting here drunk with abdominal muscles that resemble a vintage washing machine:
Wait – that guy appears to be using his vintage washing machine to suspend cans of tuna. Or maybe those are his abdominal muscles? Hard to tell. But it would make sense because a high-protein diet not only facilitates muscle-growth, it facilitates “wicked” facial-hair growth as well.
At any rate, I’m here and I’m writing and I’m doing it to inform you that I am actually still doing pet portraits. You might recall that I killed Coat & Tails, buried it, and then exhumed it again only to waft the fumes of the undead upon my Instagram followers.
But just because I hardly ever post doesn’t mean that I’m not taking orders, so I should probably keep you apprised of what’s happening with me so that you don’t go thinking that I killed Coat & Tails again.
If you’re unfamiliar with the reference, this is an allusion to Mulder, a character from a little-known show which aired in the 90s called X Files.
This has been my major accomplishment over the summer.
Minor accomplishments included the purchase of a condo, which I soon destroyed:
Then, much like the exhumation of Coat & Tails, I un-destroyed it:
Mostly so that I could watch The Office on a giant screen:
Note the fancy office furniture. That is where all my portraits will be done, so I needed only the best. Although put the many beer cans out of your mind; just as I surely won’t be robed, I surely won’t be drinking whilst doing your portrait.